Lets say you have a nine-year-old daughter, and you decide that nine will be the time for her to go to bed on a school night. The Basic Bedtime Method goes like this. At eight thirty you set a timer for thirty minutes and tell the child that its time to get ready for bed. This means that your daughter must do everything required to prepare for bed (bathroom, teeth, pajamas, and so on)on her own and then report to you. Make the preparation routine perfectly clear. If your child is only two or three or four, youll have to help her get ready, but the same rewards and consequences will apply. When the child has completed all the necessary tasks, she reports to you. If she accomplished everything she had to, praise her for her efforts. Now comes the reward. Whatever time is left between eight thirty and nine is time for just the two of you. You might read a story or simply sit and talk. Kids love this kind

Stay in the bedroom and dont do anything super exciting. This special time serves three purposes. First, it is an immediate reinforcer for the child independently getting ready for bed. Second, the remaining minutes until nine are a nice time together. And finally, these moments with you help the kids relax and get in the moodphysically and mentallyfor going to sleep. Quik Tip The Basic Bedtime Method will save you lots of aggravation in the evenings. The first requirement is that you pick a bedtimeand stick to it! Bedtime cannot be renegotiated every night. If you have trouble coming up with an inventory of all that needs to be done for the kids to get ready for bed, just think of all the things the children usually tell you they havent done after they are in bed, and youll have the list right

Im scared. I have to go to the bathroom. These pajamas itch. Theres a burglar in the basement. And so on, and so on. Every item on the list should be addressed as well as possible before your child gets into bed. One caution here. Dont lie down on the bed. There seems to be a biological law that says: If you are over twenty-five years of age, and its past eight in the evening, and you spend more than three minutes in a horizontal position, youll be out like a light. And the kids will love it! Theyll enjoy the comfort and novelty of having you sleeping next to them, but they will also quickly get dependent on this arrangement and start expecting or demandingyour presence every night. And now, the grand finale. When nine rolls around, tuck the child in, kiss her good night, and leave the room. You have just had a nice time with your child, and your parenting job is done for the day.

Right? Perhaps not. At this point some parents say, How naive you are. When I leave shes right behind me! or If I go down to the kitchen, shes sure to show up in less than three minutes. So what if your daughter wont stay in bed after nine?