By the time I reached the rocks, I had all but convinced myself that they would be empty once I climbed up. That all Id lost was my mind, which was better than having lost someone like Evangeline, who was good and kind and loved by everyone who knew her. Including Theo. Theo. I stopped in my tracks, barely noticing when the black foaming water washed over my feet. I tried to imagine explaining to Theo what had happened. And thats when I knew that I hadnt been dreaming, because even my dreams couldnt be that cruel. Joni found me sitting on the rocks next to Evs body, my forehead resting on my knees as I murmured something unintelligible, something even I cant remember, over and over again. It was like you were praying, she would tell me later. But in tongues.

Pale-faced, Joni told me that she had noticed we had been gone awhile, and had followed the trail Ev had taken to its natural end. And then shed looked down, and spotted us both on the beach below. Joni had called my name, and when I looked up, shed understood everything she needed to just by seeing my face. She had hopped down the rocks in the way that Evangeline had attempted before her, and within moments she was next to me.

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, Joni said when she touched Ev, her body still and broken, and I knew then that if Joni lost it, I would too, and I would never come back from it. I buried my head in my arms and I squeezed my eyes shut. For some reason, I thought of my mom, of the smell of sunscreen on her skin as she spun me around in a swimming pool as a child, maybe in Spain, or France, and the memory made me cry even harder. When I looked up, Joni seemed to have gathered strength, her eyes burning with intensity as she gripped my shoulders tightly, her fingers digging urgently into my flesh. Bess, listen to me, she said, processing it all even as she spoke. You need to give me a minute to figure this out, okay? I shook my head, not understanding what she could mean. Evangeline was dead. There was nothing to figure out. I could feel my teeth chattering, but I didnt know how to make them stop.

We need to back each other up on what happened, Joni said quietly, almost as if she was convincing herself. Thats all that matters right now. What? I said, still not understanding. I thought that Joni seemed eerily calm until I noticed her hands, which were writhing around each other like snakes as she talked. Everyone at the party saw you and Ev fighting, and you following her out here, Joni said. And now shes gone. I shook my head, my body racking as I shivered. Joni wrapped her jacket around me, and I flinched at her touch. I saw one of Evs sandals then, peeking out from under a rock just inches away from her body, the green jewel glimmering in the night. But she was alive when I left her, I said. I swear she was still alive. I know, I know, Joni said, but I figured that she didnt believe me. Im sorry, Joni, I said, burying my face in my knees. Im sorry I was going to leave you.